I'm a VIP CUSTOMER!

I just shopped at Zappos.com for the first time ever. It has great search options and videos of lots of products so I can see what they look like on someone. It was (high-pitched sing-songing required in reading the following word) AAAWWWe-SSOOOMme! These are the boots I got (I pulled up my pants so you could see them):

Only trouble was that I got a half-size too big (based on reviewers recommendations, but it didn't work out for me). I immediately set about returning them only to discover the sale had ended and they had gone up in price. Super Sad!

So I called their customer loyalty team. (Did you know they are the number one employer of muppets in the world? ) I laid out the whole tragic situation. They said "No prob, groovy girl. We're sending your boots to you now with free next day shipping and we're making you a VIP customer so you'll always get free next day shipping."

HURRAY! I even double checked with one of their online live now chat muppets and she confirmed it too and told me how to get to the VIP website. I feel so awesome.

Answer: I don't!

Like many working mothers, I often hear the comment "I don't know how you do it all." Most of you probably are 'doing it all' with, I assume, the aid of a magic wand. 

I am not. 

And I'm not at all certain what constitutes the 'all' in question. I think it probably means something like this:

I hypothesize that other women are picturing all the things they do (cleaning their house, feeding their families, exercising) and imagine doing all that plus the couple of things they know I'm doing. That is their fatal flaw: they mentally add those together. They are being far too generous with this assumption. I am almost never doing those other things! What I'm really doing looks much more like this: